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the blue engineer

Neuroses Of A Privileged White Educator

Some of our students have asthma. Some of them don’t. Some of their parents have marital problems or have histories of abuse. Some of them don’t. Some of them get in fights at school; some of them have had their siblings arrested, some of them have been arrested themselves, and, well … some of them just haven’t experienced any of these things.

It’s interesting to see how teaching in a Title 1 school in the South Bronx both does and doesn’t live up to the expectations that movies gave me. Some professors advised me to teach in a private school, with a mostly white population. “It’ll be easier,” they said. “Those Bronx kids will tear you apart.” My parents said it would be more financially viable, and that I’d have greater job security. “It’s not safe,” one relative said. “I read a review on the Google. I went to New York in the ’70s. I know what it’s like there. Trust me.” And movies: I’ve seen clips from all the cliché urban biopics. Try “Blackboard Jungle,” or “Stand and Deliver,” or “Dangerous Minds,” or “Freedom Writers.” (These “success” stories have been expertly debunked by Colleen Gillard and Gary Rubinstein, respectively.)

Where can we bridge the gap between fiction and reality? Why is it so gripping — I would almost say transfixing — to watch movies about privileged white people helping underprivileged racial minorities? Teju Cole, in speaking about “KONY 2012,” controversially coined a term he calls “the white savior industrial complex.” He uses this term to describe when white people expend “big emotions” in helping racial minorities so that they can “validate” their own economic privilege.

I can’t help but ask: Does this apply to me?

I’m white and Jewish. I grew up in an upper-middle class suburb outside of Chicago and went to an enormous school, one of the best in the state. I took 12 Advanced Placement classes, saving up enough credit to take a year off of college, spend a year abroad, and save up money afterwards by taking on part-time jobs and internships instead of registering for classes. I am one of the lucky ones. I was born in the right place, went to the right schools, and in college, I made the right choices. The fact that I had choices to begin with was what set me up for success. So many students that we teach don’t feel like they have any.

In being accepted to Blue Engine, I couldn’t help but berate myself, believing I had fallen into Cole’s “white savior” dialectic. I’m just another wide-eyed kid from an elite private school thinking he can go into a Title 1 school — predominantly filled with racial minorities — and subsequently “save” them. What naivety, what presumption! These kids, I thought, are going to chew me up and spit me out.

Ironically, I was afraid of being judged by the color of my skin. I was afraid that I would be unable to relate to my students, unable to break the bubble of my privileged, suburban, mostly white upbringing. “I won’t be able to reach out to them,” I thought. These were my neuroses and mine alone.

A month later, I have found something I definitely didn’t expect. My school staff and my fellow BETAs come from a wide variety of socioeconomic and racial backgrounds. But when we work, all the differences in our upbringing — who had privilege and who didn’t — don’t interfere with our ability to teach or relate to our students. In fact, each of us has something different—a skill, a character trait, a finesse — that helps us to connect with each kid differently. As a team, we are strengthened by our differences as much as our similarities. We become united in a common goal: we are all working to raise the stakes for these students and get them somewhere despite the odds. And they look up to each of us, because they know we all equally believe that, no matter where our great-grandparents came from.

Like them, I was a student, and not very long ago at that. When they complain about their upcoming essay next week, I tell them how in college I wrote six-eight papers per quarter. When they stress about the 10 pages of reading per night, I tell them about how in high school I once read a book overnight to study for an exam the next day. Like I used to (and probably still do, more than I’d like to admit), they worry nonstop about what other people think of them. They write paragraphs at the beginning of each class about their phones and iPads and Jay-Z concerts and One Direction music videos. They discuss the clothes they bought over the weekend, the “high school parties” they went to, their skirmishes with the law, the fights with their parents, and the passing of their loved ones. Some of these things surprised me — I didn’t expect these kids to have iPhones, to be going shopping some weekends, to have the simple luxuries of life that I have (even on a BETA budget!). I didn’t expect their high school experience to, in many ways, seem so similar to mine.

Some of them, in lieu of homework, stay up long nights messaging with friends until 2 a.m. through texting or Facebook chat. I did that too, once — back then we used AOL Instant Messenger, but the idea was still the same, and the procrastination just as ever-so-sweet. Our skin colors might be different, our parents’ wallets might be different sizes, and there might be almost a decade between us. But, in some cases, we share the same gossip, the same social pressures, and similar academic experiences.

I do not feel I am trying to “save” these kids. But I am trying to help them. And for some of our students, I can help prepare them to be successful in college. It’s not about me, not about satisfying some “complex,” as Cole would suggest. I’m here to increase the chances that my students find the support that they need. Because in a school with large classes it can be easy for at-risk students to fall through the cracks.

I have already built some strong connections and I can see myself building even stronger ones as the year goes on. They ask about my years in college; they ask what I will be for Halloween; they ask if I will be around after school so that they can come by and say hi. No, I don’t think I look like Harry Potter, I say. Yes, those are silly bands I’m wearing. And yes, I went to college.

Yes, college was amazing. Yes, it was hard. Yes, I had to study — and do my homework. Yes, yes, yes. And you should, too. You can, too. You can too, just like me. Even though we don’t look alike; even though we grew up in different places.

They are silent for a few still seconds. Possibly for the first time all class. But I know they’re listening.

This post originally appeared on the Blue Engine blog.

  • BloombergMustGo

    Nice self indulgent article.  How about you wait until you’ve served 10, 15, or 20 years in the system before sharing your “experiences”.  They may actually have some value then.  I venture to guess that your perspective might be somewhat altered by then, also.
    Just so you know, statistics (something the DOE is fond of manipulating as you will learn) say there is a 50% chance you will be gone within five years.

  • KitchenSink

    This essay gets to the heart of so many issues facing our system.  There’s no reason to tear it down.  Instead, this teacher should be engaged, and his energy and reflectiveness should be channeled.  Shame on you BMG for providing disaffection and disillusionment where there should be excitement about the challenges that he raises.

  • Crnmath

     Sounds like a Teach for America corpsman is enhancing his resume and having an eye opening experience in the hood at the same time.  How long is the TFA commitment? This dude is probably marking his calendar with a countdown until the LSAT.

  • BloombergMustGo

    “Shame on you BMG for providing disaffection and disillusionment where there should be excitement about the challenges that he raises.”
    If I was B (Bloomberg, the man responsible for the disaffection and disillusionment, your point would be well taken).  Instead, i felt a dose of reality was in order here.  Point being that for many of us, the d & d is part of the job and yet we still persevere.  There are no accolades, no rewards (except the intrinsic ones), no acknowledgemnet of our efforts.  There is a constant barrage of insults and abuse.  Yet, we still report for duty everyday, educating and supporting our students during one of the most destructive reigns in education history.
    Sometimes, the truth hurts.

  • http://twitter.com/BNiche B

    You speak about privilege, but what do you say about a Puerto Rican male who grew up in a lower-middle class city in North Jersey, who didn’t grow up with both parents and lived with half a family who didn’t know English, and whose family sacrificed heavily financially for his education? Or to the students in your classes growing up who had all these privileges but went the “wrong path”: drugs, jail, etc.?

    Like me, you had one of the greatest privileges of all: a supportive family who was able to have time to sustain you emotionally, physically, and so much more. So many parents of the students I teach struggle to work two jobs to help their children physically as fix broken relationships and bring aunts, uncles, grandparents, and more to continue to help their children emotionally. I didn’t have a father, but I had a strong family support system. Regardless of lack of money, a majority of my students who succeed have strong support systems at home. I personally feel that goes as long of a way, if not, more so than just being born in Westchester or in the suburbs or going to the best schools in the area.

    It’s not just “enough” to be born in the right place (suburbs of Chicago) or going to the right schools. Like a majority of us, due to your family’s ability to sustain you as you were growing up, you got where you are today. I wished you would have written more about that particular privilege and expanded on it a little, instead of focusing on money, Facebook, and iPhones.

  • Mr. Flerporillo

    Here’s a version of what John Rawls referred to as the Veil of Ignorance:  First principle is that no one ever had anything to do with the circumstances into which they were born or their genetic makeup.  That outcome is random.  Second, imagine the billions of possible circumstances (who your parents were, where you were born, what your genetics were, etc.) that you could have been born into, and assign them numbers from 1 to X.  Third, get a random number generator that can return any number in that same range.

    One possible game is, would you trade your circumstances for another one at random?  Varying levels in risk aversion come into play, but as a thought experiment, it’s a good way to define who’s privileged, who’s not.  

    Another game (closer to what Rawls had in mind) is to imagine that you have to make the gamble.  Then, without knowing in advance what the outcome is, you consider what kind of baseline rights and services a civilized society should provide its citizens. 

  • KitchenSink

    You’re describing a post-apocalyptic nightmare school world ravaged by mayoral control…but the disillusionment etc. you describe was in place long before this mayor.  I heard the same things from the “old and wizened” teachers in the Giuliani days when I was teaching, under Cortines, and Crew, and Levy, etc.    “Don’t worry, you’ll see…” is just a cop-out.  The reality is what we make of it, and we owe it to our students to rise above the fray and give them a positive experience.  If you don’t like your administrator, do something about it (like, go work somewhere else). But don’t poison other well meaning educators with your negativity.

  • http://twitter.com/BNiche B

    Very interesting point. Having a little problem applying it to my comment there, but let me try. I wouldn’t personally trade the circumstances in my childhood growing up for another one at random, but that’s only because of my perspective and my outlook on my circumstances. I know many who may have grown up in the same kind of circumstances may disagree, but it’s hard to say.

    It also makes me think of those “what if” surveys I’m not a huge fan of, as in “would I rather have grown up with a great family but in poverty conditions or a not-as-supportive family in the suburbs?” I can’t help but be biased to what worked for me, but that’s human perspective for you. I’ll try to respond to your point more comprehensively if I misinterpreted your points.

  • Jouit

    All of you brained washed educators know deep down in your hearts that real education is not as difficult or complex as the BIG EDUCATION MACHINE has parents and kids believe – everyone is fully capable of educating themselves with a “real” education not the garbage that passes for education in the school system. The perverted school system in existence actually rewires and damages the brain and critical thinking abilities… but we all need a job  so you might as well “teach” and pretend you are really “educating” other humans. .

  • S.T.

    I don’t know this teacher at all and have never heard of the “Blue Engine”. I do wonder if he plans to actually make a career out of teaching or if he is just in it for the usual 2-3 years like the countless TFAers who go slumming for a bit to pad their law school resumes. If he is sincere and plans to stick it out, he has my respect. If not, he should quit now and let the DOE hire some folks who will actually will stick around for a while.

  • Proteach

    I was also a white privileged person teaching in a low income area. One tip. Treat them like people and don’t try to compare what you did to prepare for a test as a motivational tool. My kids knew I grew up wealthy w two college educated parents where I had a room to study and friends to study with. I never told them that they just assumed and figured it out. They also didn’t care that I used to write 15 page papers in college and I never threw that in their face when they had a writing assignments.

  • BloombergMustGo

    I’m sorry, but this is just ridiculous.  i really believe this article highlioghts all that is WRONG with the teaching profession.  We are teachers: educated, trained, skilled professionals.  Your personal background should not make a difference in how you practice your profession.  Professionals include people from all backgrounds that do their job well on a daily basis.  Why would anyone expect anything different from a teacher?

  • A.S.Neill

    umm..kinda shmaltzy i-worried-we-were-different-but-we’re-all-the-same theme, along with let-me-help-you-be-like-me after all. maybe better suited for the Paris Review if George Plimpton would accept it. but he’s young, idealistic, and hey, we were all there once and gotta start somewhere so cut him a break. Never heard of Blue Engine but stopped reading their mission when I came to the word “rigor”, the contemporary cliche word in education indicating thinking has been replaced by ideology. Seems the “Betas” are extra teaching assistants in classrooms that increase college readiness by a factor of three. You might say that cuts classroom size in half. ok with that. Next problem is getting Bloomberg to hire an extra 80,000 Betas for NYC schools then we’re off to a start.

  • I noticed that…

    First and foremost, I would like to thank those who decide to go into the field of teaching.
    It’s hard work, but at the end of the school year the rewards are great when you see a child develop and grow emotionally and academically. Does it happen to every child? No, the reality of these children’s lives is always inside the classroom.  However, the realities helped me to become a better, prepared teacher for the following school year. But, teaching is NOT a stint and should never be treated as a short-term job.
    It’s a career, a life-long career where students know that they will see you each and every year and those students when they graduate will have siblings and family members who will also end up having the same teacher(s) as they, too, travel through hallow halls of a the school that has life-long educators in each classroom.
    If you truly love teaching, do not sign a piece of paper that says “commitment for only three years”.  Get out now because it is a disservice to the students of today and tomorrow.

  • Michael Fiorillo

    It’s quite revealing that Gotham Schools has no interest in finding students or veteran teachers to write about the influx of privileged, self-absorbed temps and missionaries passing through the communities and schools they’ve lived and worked in for years. 

    After publishing the insipid and execrable Ruben Brosbe for far too long, GS gives us the same with a slight twist: uncertainty and moral qualms, followed by the uplifting realization that We’re All the Same and Want the Same Things.

    There’s definitely a potential film treatment here, and it can be worked on before the author leaves The Bronx and goes on to Better Things.

  • Mr. Flerporillo

     No real application to your comment.  It’s just something that comes to mind when I read about who’s “privileged” and who’s not. 

    The more useful of the two games is the one where you assume you have to trade in all of your circumstances and draw another set at random.

  • sosps

    Er, all young idealistic teachers who feel the urge to write such a column should first be required to read the Onion spoof, along with the spoof response penned by the idealistic teacher’s weary fourth grade student. 

  • A.S.Neill

    I think the sites are the following on the Onion. Are these really spoofs?
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-year-volunteering-as-a-teacher-helped-educate-a,28803/
     http://www.theonion.com/articles/teach-for-america-chews-up-spits-out-another-ethni,1293/

  • noTFAscabtemps

    Why doesn’t this clown first identify himself as a TFA scab temp prior to engaging in  self-flagellation, when career teaching professionals will be exposed to this nonsense?

  • Philissa Cramer

    Just a reminder for all of our readers: As Michael notes in this piece and explains in his first piece for GothamSchools, he works for an organization called Blue Engine that places teaching assistants in the classrooms of more experienced teachers in an effort to reduce the student:teacher ratio. We reported about the program last year.

  • Jay11

    He mentions several times all the ‘choices’ he made that gave him a leg up, and how he was ‘lucky’ to be born where and how he was.  There was a time, not too long ago, before America decided to import all the poor people of the world, when any average American kid was born into a two parent household in a stable community.

    Whether rich, poor or middle class, there was a wide horizon of opportunity both glamorous and mundane.  Now our cities are overcrowded with refugees, ‘immigrants’ seeking a ‘better life’ (read: living off the freebies our taxes provide) and exotic criminal gangs.  

    Idealistic young liberals like this young man then can live out their peace corp fantasies and be adored by their little native charges – and it’s a lot cheaper and easier than flying half way around the world.

    This young man had better think about it.  In his lifetime this country will crack under a wave of racially-based insurrections and the multi-culti dream will go the way of Yugoslavia.

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